It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
