Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize