I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
