I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
