I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
