Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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