He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
