She announced her abortion via fbk
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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