Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want her autograph on my taint
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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