I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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