$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
smell my finger.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
