your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
