Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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