hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize