i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize