maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
