So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
