So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
