I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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