hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
