I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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