This is not my ceiling
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
