butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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