If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
