you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
