Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You made out with two different species that night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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