I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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