At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
