3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You pole danced in your parka.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
