did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize