maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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