He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize