I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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