My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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