It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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