i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
