I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
