I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
