So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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