I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
