Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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