i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
