You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize