What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
