I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
