hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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