Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
