I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
