too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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