so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
