He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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