I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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