Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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