It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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