I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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