Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
