I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
