take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize