We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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