wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
