If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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