My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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