just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize