yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
