so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
