I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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