drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
