Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
