Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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