Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
