How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
