I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
