I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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