He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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