You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
