Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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