I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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