So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
