I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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