Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am available for nakedness
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
