The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
