Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
