she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
