onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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