Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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