real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
