I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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