It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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