would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
