In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
