i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this just has baby written all over it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
