Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
