The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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