We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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