just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
