My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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