i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
