i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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