There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
