apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
