He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
