what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
