I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
