I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm going to jail i love you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize